There is no way around it- breaking up is hard to do, as most of us know from first hand experience. Ending a relationship is especially painful; when you know you have invested a lot of time and energy. Heck the month has passed and you are still dealing with the heart ache and he? Well…lets just say the new queen in the mix but hey….it his loss not yours. If he isn’t wise enough to know what a great hottie you are, then he isn’t worth your troubles. But you can still be your matured reasonable self and sty friends with him if you want, after just because you guys broke up doesn’t mean you can’t be friends.
Staying friends with your ex depends on the nature of your romance. Did you start as pals or commit to each other shortly after meeting? How long did the relationship last? Was the break up mutual or was one party blind sided? Did a betrayal occur? Answering the questions above will give you a clearer sense of whether or not post-relations
Friendship is realistic. If you’re still unsure, ask your self the following four questions before agreeing to turn your head to your buddy.
1. What will be the nature of the friendship be?
Will you remain close or does ‘lets us just be friends’ meant you will simply be pleasant when you bump into each other? There are different types of friends, friends you go out with, and friends you only see on occasions, friends in whom you confide everything. Which category will your ex fall into? He/she may not fit neatly into any of them because of your relationships complicated nature. Maybe you will continue your occasional hangouts, but will you be able to share the things that real friends do? Maybe you won’t even care; it may prove especially tricky if you’re used to sharing your innermost thoughts with him/ her. What level of friendship do you want? if you want your ex to be more acquaintance than BFF, you’ll probably come to terms with the break up and get on with your life. if you are hoping to continue a deep friendship on the other hand, you’ll probably run into some confusion along the line.
2. Can you take passion out of the equation?
There is higher a chances that the two of you shared some intimate moments and as the old saying goes, sex changes everything. Relationships ends but that doesn’t mean attraction does not fall by the way side. Watch out for left over lust; it can send your move from passionate to platonic up in smoke. After all you can’t eat your cake and have it. No matter how much you pledge not become ‘friends with benefits’ it’s not easy resisting the urge to grab your ex hand to get frisky. Needless to say, doing so slows the recovery process and often puts you through an emotional wringer.
3. What about other romantic prospects?
After a break up dating might seem like the last thing you want to do. But it will eventually happen. And staying friends with your ex could sabotage with your future romance. Most people (especially prospects) are far from keen on the idea of you fraternizing with your ex. In fact it breeds jealousy and distrusts in relationships in new relationships. And another question you have to ask yourself is how will you feel when you ex starts dating another person?
4. Can you move on? This is an especially important question if you don’t initiate the break up .hanging onto the ‘friendship’ can prevent you from opening the next chapter of your life. Whether it’s getting back to the dating scene or finding a new group of friends to hang out with, clinging to your ex (especially when the relationship did not end in good terms) will inevitably delay your healing process. After all how can you move on from someone whom you still make a huge part of you’re of your everyday life? And if the break up wasn’t mutual, a friendship could be fueling false hopes for one of you, are you prepared to break up, make up and then do it all over again?
The hardest part of breaking up in the reality that you wont be involved in your ex’s daily life anymore .and remaining friends might feel like a good way to ease the blow. But you need to think about what’s best for you in the long term, even when you are so devastated and going through a grieving process.
Ultimately, it’s better to re-establish a friendship after you’ve both distanced yourselves from the relationship and gained more perspectives should you be friends with your ex? Only you can decide. Do your self a favor by answering tough questions and processing with caution.
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