HOW TO TELL A GOOD FRIEND

QUALITIES OF A GOOD FRIEND

Haven’t we heard the famous saying a friend in need is a friend indeed? A friendship is an integral part of human existence.though true friend can take time to buikd and develop.

12. Characteristics of a good friend

1. Accepts you as you are:

A good friend is someone who does not try to be somebody that he is not and accepts you as you are. They are also patient with you when you make mistakes and forgive you when you hurt them.

2. Dependable;

a good friend is dependable and can trust with your secrets  and know that he would not let a third party no about it he sticks with you in good times and bad times ,when you ask for advice he points out, a good friend points out the right direction.

3. Honest;

A good friend will be honest and loyal with you. He does not break the promises that he made to you. He makes you feel safe and secure with him. He is your true critic you will find many who falsely appreciate you and your works to remain in good books. A good friend will tell you the truth even if its something you won’t want to hear. He will point out your mistakes in private and not in front of others and also help to overcome it.

4. Listen to you;

A good friend will always listen to you and care about your emotional needs and emotions a good friend will be there always when you need to talk. When you have news to share or grievances he gives you full attention.

5. Be there for you:

A good friend will be there with you through thick and thin. Good friends don’t call up only to request a favor. But he would be the first person to call up people to come to your aid in time of crises. He also does not allow you to indulge in any illicit activities.

6. Give you space;

A good friend respects your privacy. He understands that you have your family, other family and friends who are part of your life too and do not cling to you always. He builds and trust and confidence which makes you comfortable enough to make you share your good times and bad times with him.

7. Always in touch;

Good friends don’t always wait for you to call. He always makes an effort to keep in touch with you even if it’s true a quick phone call or in email .he knows what’s going on in your life and is interested about it. A good friend does not avoid you even if they are busy and do not ignore your phone call or mails. A good friend makes it clear that they care about you.

8. Do not bad mouth you;

A good friend does not bad mouth you or talks behind you back. A good friend is a friend you can trust and won’t gossip about you or try to spoil your reputation. They would let you know when they are concerned and do their best to stick up for you when you are in trouble. A good friend will apologize to you when you do something wrong. He does not keep grudges.

9. happy for you;

A good friend will never get jealous on your success but will be happy for you. He celebrates you success but would be happy for you. He celebrates your success and his success with you. When you are down and needs support he would be there to support and care about you. An ideal friend has a sensitive side which would make them understands people’s feeling’s. They may not be able to read your mind, but chances are they can usually tell when you’re happy, sad, excited, shocked or upset. a good friend will always know how to lifts your spirit and make your day.

10. supportive;

A good friend is supportive of you and your goals. He will know what makes you tick and help you be the person you want to be. They wont try to change who you are in a situation where you need to be defended he would be right there beside you.

11. Common interest;

A good friend is someone whom you have something in common. He is fun to be with. And he understands you and respects you.

12. Giving;

Good friends are more than what is asked. When they see a need they respond before the other person has the chance to ask without expecting anything in return and without anyone knowing about it. Good friends are generous with time, money possessions and knowledge. Best of all they have a generous spirit.

 There is a saying that what you give is what you get back. The qualities you want in a friend. Should be the same that you are offering to someone else can you expect to have good friends if you aren’t one yourself?

VOW BREAKER, BEWARE!

Pastor Williams was a very devoted in the ministry who served God with a passion he also loved and feared God and was careful to involve God In whatever he did. he took  decisions only when they were approved of God but it happened he made a terrible mistake.

  Pastor Williams was engaged to a young lady, Florence. He was convinced beyond all reasonable doubt that she was of God and he premised to marry her. His family rose against this decision of his, saying that his older siblings and relations had married from hometown and their wont not be an exception for him.

  He later attended a church programme somewhere and saw this sister that seemed engulfed in the anointing and passion of God. He married her shortly because she also hailed from his hometown.

  Two years afterward, the sister turned a tigress at home. She opposed everything pastor Williams set his mind to do. She also prevented him from attending church programmes and turned him to a babysitter .pastor Williams has become so miserable and regrets accepting the decision of his family and throwing the agreement, he had with his sister Florence, to the winds. He remains happy and unfulfilled and needs even your prayers for intervention.

  A vow is a formal and serious promise, especially religious one. it is not supposed to be treated with laxity. It is a sacred promise tht should be kept or fulfilled.

  During the days of old, vows were placed so highly and people were careful at making a promise because it was binding on them.

  A couple take before God on their wedding day and at the first signs of trial, they back off. Hey! You are bound by it.

  You promise to testify of God’s goodness of give him a thanksgiving offering once you are granted a job and you don’t fulfill it. You are still bound by that vow!

  You take an oath of chastity to become a nun or reverend father, yet you chase everything in skirt or trouser .you are digging up your own grave because you are still bound by that vow!

  Little wonder, we suffer some set backs and encounter problems at some points in our lives. This is due to the fact that we lack faithfulness. It is better not to make a promise than make one and fail to fulfill it.

CAN YOU AND YOUR EX BECOME BEST FRIENDS?

Handling your relationship with someone you broke up can be quite tricky, sometimes you may feel uncomfortable and completely out of place just been around them, and sometimes you long to see them, but tell your self it’s in your best interest not to.

  Whatever said and done, it is true that the two of you certainly had a lot of things in common and shared a good understanding and rapport, which took you as far as you went in your relationship. You know a lot about each other, your likes and dislikes, your needs and wants, your moods and goals. And all of that puts you in a very good position to be each other’s best friend.

  If the two of you were friends before you started going out, or have a common friend circle, or study in the same place, generally have the reasons to find yourselves running into each other quite often, then it is just good sense to learn ho to be cordial with each other, at the very least. Sure you must be mad at each other immediately after your break up, but you can’t stay mad forever. It’s just not good for your mental and emotional health.

  You may have broken up because one of you wanted to get married and the other didn’t .or that one of you was not quite ready for a more serous relationship. One of you wanted to have children and the other didn’t. Your jobs were in different cities and one of you was willing to give up their job and move. These are all perfectly valid reasons to break up a romantic relationship, but these are not things that matter when two people are just friends. In a friendship, what matters is that you are willing to listen when the other wants to talk, offer you advice when they need you to, and are there for them when you are needed. You can still do all these things, even if you don’t want the same things in life in the long run.

  Once you are past the awkward phase that comes after a break up, it may be a good idea to strike up a friendship, or rekindle a friendship that existed before you started going out. as long as both of you are clear on the reasons why you broke up in the first place, and know that you don’t want to get back together and hurt yourselves again, it may just be a really good idea to turn the bitter romance into a sweet friendship.   

CAN YOU AND YOUR EX BECOME BEST FRIENDS?

<

WHAT IS IT WITH GIRLS AND BAD BOYS?

Have you ever wondered why girls are always attracted to ‘bad boys or play boys’ in quote? I have had to ask myself such questions most times, trust me am a girl and I know how alluring it can be to mingle with a bad boys. Yet why we do it we never know. we pay deaf ears to warnings about him, in facet even insinuate our girlfriends are jealous of us only for us to come back with regrets heart aches, deep seethed anger and a bag full of regrets.

  There’s something alluring about playing with fire, even though you know it might burn you, yet you can’t resist the pull. I guess that’s the best explanation for it. Otherwise why would any sane babe, know that a guy is a heart breaker, chronic womanizer and still lust after him? Why would any sane babe go back to the same guy who turned her to a punching bag and treats her like trash?

  Irene and Isabel have been best of friends as long as they could remember. They both went to the same high school and same university. Irene met Todd in the university during her final year; he was rich, handsome and wayward. He loved her, but he couldn’t resist flirting with any babe and if Irene dares confronts him he would assault her and sometimes even hit her. Irene didn’t know what to do to make Todd change, but because she loved him she stayed with him. Isabel was her only confidant and she told Irene to dump Todd, but she didn’t have the nerve to do it.

  One day after terrible fight, Irene walked out of the relationship, though it was painful for her, she swore never to go back to Todd. Of course Isabel supported her decision all the way. Irene eventually met mark a cool guy who worked as a pastor’s assistant in the church. He was calm loving and caring. Irene was content to date him, especially as he was proposing marriage to her. As she was praying about it Todd came back to the picture. he told her how much he loved her how much he missed her, he also promised to behave himself, when Todd wants something he gets it, so he went all out for Irene and against her better judgment; she began to fall him all over again .

  In her mind she still had doubts about Todd’s sudden change and when she voiced it out.

‘Look baby, I told you I have changed. You can put me through a test and be sure that I will not fail; He said to her she nodded and smiled, watching him walk away as she remembered their good their days were together were. That night she tried to seduce Todd but he refused.

‘Irene as much as I love you, I think we should wait for our wedding night and we will enjoy it for the rest of our life’s together’. He insisted.

  Four days later Irene decided to pay Todd a visit, she got there and entered with her spare key. She entered the room and met Isabel lying down on the bed in her under wear, while Todd walked out of the bathroom, clad in towel.

  ‘What is going on here Isabel?’ she asked her dear friend

  ‘Irene I can explain’. Todd tried to talk as Irene ran out if the house. Of course she never went back to Todd’s house, and that was the end of friendship with Isabel, right now Irene is feeling so betrayed, it was obvious all the while she and Todd were dating; he was also dating her best friend and closest confidant. The question is what did Isabel find so irresistible in Todd to make her date him behind her friend’s back? What’s was so irresistible about Todd that made Irene to go looking for him, in spite of her wedding day was obviously close by?

THE PSYCHO-SOCIAL IMPACT OF EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIRS

The circumstances that drive men to infidelity are different from than those that make women unfaithful. Some of the shared emotions by both sexes are: significant damage to the spouse’s self-image, personal confidence, feelings of abandonment, attacks on their sense of belonging, betrayal of trust and rage.

  Sharing sexual activity and emotional feelings with someone other than your spouse ultimately reduces sexual desire and activity within the primary relationship, as attention and resources are directed away from the partner. Even when this is accepted on a moral level, it is quite painful on the psychological level. Most married couple will feel intense jealousy if they suspect their lovers might be having additional relationships outside their marriage.

  Denial of spousal love makes people feel worthless and rejected and these feelings commonly turn them defenseless and open to infidelity. Although marital unhappiness makes people susceptible to infidelity, this is not always the case, considering the case of many African men who view infidelity as a sport.

  Men tend to draw a strong demarcating line between love and sex. Though they love their wives, though they love their wives, they engage in illicit relationships to spice up spice up their lives and simply because they can. basically it’s the it is the cultural and societal upbringing that determines whether adultery is perceived to be wrong or accepted .it is interesting to note that the practice can be a norm in one society and a taboo in another

  Men are known to stray more than women in patriarchal households and this is passed down to generations.

  After the discovery of an extra-marital affair, your life goes crazy .if you found out about infidelity, you feel like everything you had believed is now false. The person you thought you could count on has betrayed your trust. You are enraged at your spouse and yet disturb by self accusations about what you did wrong (even if it was unjustified) worse case scenario if it’s some you know. You have to save face and behave as if you are not affected, while you might be consumed with fear of losing your home to someone else-an unnatural –an unnatural and impossible position to be in. the fact that in our society when these things happen, particularly with the woman you are expected to just shrug it off, is one of the key recipes to poor health. Those excruciating emotions cannot be willed away: they may be denied suppressed, but they remain a potential for ill health.

  People don’t function well with a lot of anxiety, fear shame and guilt. They get sick too much, and may become mentally depressed or physically unwell even though they may not attribute their condition to their activities. People can actually become insane from excessive negative emotional experiences. To prevent these problems Mother Nature has provided us ‘with unconscious defense mechanism’ these mental behaviors neutralize the negative effects of certain amounts of fear, anxiety, shame, guilt and other emotions. Extra-marital produces a long-term dissolution self esteem and potential in one’s loved one.