From ex to best friends forever Staying friends with your ex

 



                                                                              

There is no way around it- breaking up is hard to do, as most of us know from first hand experience. Ending a relationship is especially painful; when you know you have invested a lot of time and energy. Heck the month has passed and you are still dealing with the heart ache and he? Well…lets just say the new queen in the mix but hey….it his loss not yours. If he isn’t wise enough to know what a great hottie you are, then he isn’t worth your troubles. But you can still be your matured reasonable self and sty friends with him if you want, after just because you guys broke up doesn’t mean you can’t be friends.

Staying friends with your ex depends on the nature of your romance. Did you start as pals or commit to each other shortly after meeting? How long did the relationship last? Was the break up mutual or was one party blind sided? Did a betrayal occur? Answering the questions above will give you a clearer sense of whether or not post-relations

 Friendship is realistic. If you’re still unsure, ask your self the following four questions before agreeing to turn your head to your buddy.

1. What will be the nature of the friendship be?

Will you remain close or does ‘lets us just be friends’ meant you will simply be pleasant when you bump into each other? There are different types of friends, friends you go out with, and friends you only see on occasions, friends in whom you confide everything. Which category will your ex fall into? He/she may not fit neatly into any of them because of your relationships complicated nature. Maybe you will continue your occasional hangouts, but will you be able to share the things that real friends do? Maybe you won’t even care; it may prove especially tricky if you’re used to sharing your innermost thoughts with him/ her. What level of friendship do you want? if you want your ex to be more acquaintance than BFF, you’ll probably come to terms with the break up and get on with your life. if you are hoping to continue a deep friendship on the other hand, you’ll probably run into some confusion along the line.

2. Can you take passion out of the equation?

There is higher a chances that the two of you shared some intimate moments and as the old saying goes, sex changes everything. Relationships ends but that doesn’t mean attraction does not fall by the way side. Watch out for left over lust; it can send your move from passionate to platonic up in smoke. After all you can’t eat your cake and have it. No matter how much you pledge not become ‘friends with benefits’ it’s not easy resisting the urge to grab your ex hand to get frisky. Needless to say, doing so slows the recovery process and often puts you through an emotional wringer.

3. What about other romantic prospects?

After a break up dating might seem like the last thing you want to do. But it will eventually happen. And staying friends with your ex could sabotage with your future romance. Most people (especially prospects) are far from keen on the idea of you fraternizing with your ex. In fact it breeds jealousy and distrusts in relationships in new relationships. And another question you have to ask yourself is how will you feel when you ex starts dating another person?

4. Can you move on? This is an especially important question if you don’t initiate the break up .hanging onto the ‘friendship’ can prevent you from opening the next chapter of your life. Whether it’s getting back to the dating scene or finding a new group of friends to hang out with, clinging to your ex (especially when the relationship did not end in good terms) will inevitably delay your healing process. After all how can you move on from someone whom you still make a huge part of you’re of your everyday life? And if the break up wasn’t mutual, a friendship could be fueling false hopes for one of you, are you prepared to break up, make up and then do it all over again?

The hardest part of breaking up in the reality that you wont be involved in your ex’s daily life anymore .and remaining friends might feel like a good way to ease the blow. But you need to think about what’s best for you in the long term, even when you are so devastated and going through a grieving process.

Ultimately, it’s better to re-establish a friendship after you’ve both distanced yourselves from the relationship and gained more perspectives should you be friends with your ex? Only you can decide. Do your self a favor by answering tough questions and processing with caution.       

Staying emotionally healthy …For women and men who are not afraid to be real

   

                         

                  

What is emotional health?

Emotional health is not just absence of depression, anxiety and other psychological problems, rather it includes the way you feel about yourself, the quality of your relationships, your ability to manage  your feeling and deal with difficulties a person is could be said to be emotional healthy if he or she has the following characteristics….

A sense of contentment

A zest for living with the ability to laugh and have fun

The ability to deal with stress and bounce back from adversity.

A sense of meaning and purpose; in both your activities and relationships.

The flexibility to learn new things and adapt change.

 A balance between work, play, rest and activity.

The ability to build and maintain fulfilling relationships.

.self-confidence and a good self esteem

Anybody possessing all or most of the above characteristics has indeed set the course for a successful productive performance and invariably a more fulfilled life

Warning signs of emotional ill-health

Thought patterns include forgetfulness, inability to concentrate, poor judgement, seeing only the negative, anxious thoughts or constant worrying.

Behavioral symptoms are eating more or eating less, sleeping too much or too little, isolating yourself from others, procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities, using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to relax.

Mood (emotions) irritability or short temper, agitation, inability to relax, feeling overwhelmed sense of loneliness and isolation, and general unhappiness

Physical (body) symptoms aches and pains diarrhea or constipation ,dizziness, chest pains, rapid heartbeat, loss of sex drive, or a feeling of ‘something’ crawling on the head or all over the body

The above signs and symptoms could also be due to major psychological or medical investigations and treatment(s) if then may be a pointer to an underlying emotional heath problem.

Tips on how to improve emotional health

Build resilience

The ability to bounce back from traumatic, adverse or stressful experience and leave the past behind. To be emotionally healthy, one has to be able to accept the disappointment and then move on.

Pay attention to your medical health

Your emotional health could infringe on your physical health; the reverse is also true. For example has been known not only to improve the function  of the heart but it leads to release of certain chemicals  called endorphins, which help elevates one’s mood. So rests well, eat health and avoid habits (e.g. limit alchohol) that will damage your health.

Build strong relationship

It is not good for man to be alone….so says the holy injunctions. I’m not talking about marriage. We were not to ‘built’ to work in isolation. because of their experiences and what they were told while growing up, some people believe that people cannot be trusted             !they just become superficial in their relationships  just waiting for another excuse to bail out and reinforce their beliefs. You cannot be emotionally healthy by often burning relationship bridges and reclining into world….be a joiner, forgive the offence and connect with people

Pay attention to yourself

To be emotional healthy, one has to strike a balance with a responsibilities one’s personal needs and feeling. Here are some few tips on how to do that.

Engage in meaningful and creative work. Do things that challenge your creativity and make you feel productive, whether or not you get paid for it. Things like gardening, drawing writing, or playing an instrument.

Get a pet. there is no love quite unconditional as the love a pet can give .animals can also get you out of the house for exercise and expose you to new people and new places.

Make leisure time a priority. Doing things just because they are fun is no indulgence.

Play is an emotional health necessity. Do things for no other reason than they feel good to do.

Make time for contemplation and appreciation, rather than worry, think about the things you are grateful for. Meditate, pray, enjoy the sunset, or simply take a moment to pay attention to what is good, positive, and beautiful as you go about your day.

Being and staying emotionally healthy is a worthwhile venture. Like every physical condition, prevention is better that cure. Sometimes in a bid to achieve emotional wellness, we may need to employ the assistance of a counselor (religious or medical), nonetheless I will encourage that you still practice all these tips.             

         

True life story. Humiliated and rejected I will never go back to Daniel.

            For the umpteenth time, Jodie went on bended knees appealing to Daniel’s emotional senses to rescind on his decision to end their relationship especially now she was carrying his child and she was already here months gone. Daniel remained adamant. He wanted to end the relationship but he wasn’t given any cogent reason for wanting an abrupt end to a relationship of seven years. Both families were also into each other, expecting and hoping that when they eventually become in-laws, it will be an easy and natural progression but it didn’t look like I will happen. They also pleaded on behalf of Jodie for Daniel to rescind on his decision to end to end a supposed wonderful relationship they all naturally assumed it was altar bound. But Daniel would listen to none of their pleadings. in fact she  had warned Jodie that if she failed to terminate the pregnancy she wants to use to get him tied to her, then she would end up feeling very sorry as she was going to end up bearing the cross all by herself

        But to terminate the pregnancy was the last thing on Jodie’s wanted to do, she had done so for him in the past, five good times and she was scared of going through another ordeal. She wanted to keep this one badly like her life depended on it but not without the wedlock with Daniel.  So where then was he sudden turn of attitude coming from? They quarreled like any other normal couple would but they made it a point of duty not to sleep with any grudge in mind but to always settle and make up. There were so into each other any tome she took in Daniel would always convince Jodie took to get rid of it because according to him, they were both not prepared to raise a child, especially outside wedlock. Jodie out of love even though she hated to grant him his wishes, terminated each pregnancy that came.

     Money wasn’t a hindrance to their becoming man and wife. Daniel earned a descent living as a banker with one of the new generation banks. Jodie earned a meager income as a pharmaceutical sales representative. Most others got married on incomes that were much less than theirs combined together and they still live happily together as couple, so Jodie couldn’t fathom what the problem was. But she persevered because she loved Daniel dearly. But the more she pleaded, the more irritated Daniel got and one day without prior notice Daniel left town and relocated abroad. Jodie was inconsolable, she thought of taking her own life but for the quick intervention of her family members the consequences of Daniel’s actions would have been disastrous. Daniels’ action depicted that he had it all planned, dumping her and relocating abroad. What she couldn’t tell if it was for greener pastures abroad or because of another woman.

            With time Jodie picked up the pieces of her life and nurtured her pregnancy to reality .she put to bed who was a bouncing baby boy who was a splitting image of Daniel. It was with mixed feelings she welcomed Jackson. She was glad she had something to remind him of Daniel and the good times they shared together but at the same time the baby reminded her of Daniel’s betrayal .she cautioned herself against ending up hating the innocent boy who was oblivious of the circumstances surrounding his birth., meanwhile Daniels relocation was as a result of another woman who was ten years older than him and who promised him a better life in America if only he was ready to marry her. Greedily he obliged and without the knowledge of his friends and family members, they did a quick registry before heading of to Atlanta .While his new wife took in but in the second trimester of the pregnancy, they lost the baby .Doctors alluded it a fact that she was getting close to menopause.

                 After several trials they decided to try the artificial insemination process it didn’t yield any expected result frustration began to set in from both ‘lovebirds’ but they both managed to put a rein on it. Finally she broached adoption and this set an alarm in Daniel’s head adoption at this age when he is ill virile and can father a child? He vehemently refused and asked her to start taking fertility treatment but by now a wit end she totally refused to saying she was going to adopt with or without her consent. Well this set of series of quarrels with the woman threatening to have him deported and penniless too. After enduring all the humiliation she was putting him through, he suddenly snapped and beat the living day light out of her which of course got him to jail for six months after which she made good of her promise. He was deported penniless with only a hand luggage after spending five years in America.

             Overwhelmed with shame and unable to summon up courage to get in touch with his relatives. He opted to stay with an old friend in a ramshackle apartment, until he was well able to find his feet.

      On one of his days he went job hunting he walked into a consulting firm and was able to stumble on an interview session for would be applicants. He soon got to be called upon and when he came face to face with the interview panel, he was shocked to see Jodie on the other side of the divide. Need I need to say he performed woefully as he was too shocked to utter any response to all the questions thrown at him? As he walked out Jodie excused from the panel and went after him. Unable to explain what happened in all of the five year he was away he sat on the floor and wept his heart out. Jodie managed to calm him down and urged him to pour his mind out which he did. Surprisingly she wasn’t bitter with him, she equally told him about his child whom he rejected and who was now five years old. He was glad at least he had a child with what he went through in America. But his joy was cut short when Jodie told him as long as she lives she would never set eyes on he would never his eyes on the child he never wanted.

       Tried as much as he did he couldn’t get Jodie to have a change of heart, not even when he pleaded for forgiveness for all of his wrong doings, asking to have Jodie back in his life. Jodie felt it was the height of insult to ask to have her back and the child he hounded her to get read off. But Daniel isn’t given up; in fact he has set machineries in place to reclaim his rightful position in the lives of Jodie and his son Jackson. 

Shhh, my wife is sleeping.

It happened on board on international flight, a man was flying abroad with his wife on vacation. It was time for refreshment, so an air hostess pulled up their trolley to where the couple was seated .just about she was about to take their order, the male passenger quickly whispered her ‘my wife is sleeping’ he said to the air hostess. Can anyone beat that? How many men in this day and age will pamper their wives that much? How many men will be that considerate? It is rare. The striking thing about the couple was that the hubby was much older than the wife. But I know in my heart that there are some men that fell into those categories. Older men yes, I mean older men. That wives.

  They are more caring; more attentive. These men pamper their wives more; reason is because their wives more; reason is because their wives, to them continues to be ever-young before their eyes. Don’t forget beauty they say is in the eyes of the beholder.

  I have observed generally; I stand to be corrected though, most women feel safe in the hands of husbands that are older than them. The gap could be two years or more. Generally; speaking, the average woman craves security.

  According to research findings; younger women often enjoy the company of older men for a variety of reasons. A very common that many women turn to older men is that these men are more mature faster than the men of their age.

  Women do not want to date a man who would rather play computer games than spend time with her. This is not the problem with older men. They have their eyes for their women only; that is, when they are not too engrossed with their job. They hold doors open for their women. She is considered the jewel of her life .So would you blame any woman for wanting them?

  Apart fro m showering their wives with endless attention men who are more mature tends to be more confident as they know themselves better, which is something that attracts younger women. Older men are better at listening to the needs of a younger woman, woman, according to some women, older men often view pleasure in a different light than younger men and their more concerned with the woman’s pleasure as opposed to their own this makes them very appealing to younger women.

Older men tend to be more steadfast and stable and are generally more established and settled in their chosen career than younger men. The security that comes from been financially viable and well established tend to draw younger women to their older husbands

  An older man is no longer in college or struggling away at a low paying job but is secured and generally doing well at his profession ideally.

  Women adore the chivalry that older men often show and they love the fact that older men have more respect for them and they are more polite and have manners. Women like women who know how to be men. In today’s society, many young people are delaying growing. Some men want to be young permanently.

  Most women want to be with men who are responsible and can stand on their own to feed and are able to support themselves take care of them without their mothers help.

These are the most reasons why most women prefer to marry older women. This is not to say this is not to say younger men are out of the question.

  I feel it is also a thing of the mind. There are younger men that are mature in mind.

  There is no doubt that younger that the younger woman makes her partner feel younger.

If both partners really love each other they develop ways to please each other.

  In doing so they have to trust each other and share their problems and share their sexual desires openly.

  Older men need to understand they cannot maintain the same fast and furious pace as they did in their twenties, their life experience should be more than make up for the physical love making. Older men usually have more control over the physical control over the physical and mental state of their being and a much greater knowledge of what elicits pleasure for a woman.

  Like I said love is where you find it in either a younger or an older man, then so be it.  

                

SO WHAT IF HE’S SINGLE?

  It is one thing for a man to be single and for another thing to eligible for marriage.

  The fact that a guy is single doesn’t make an eligible bachelor. Have you ever gone into a relationship with a guy and from the word, you start to feel unhappy, unwanted, unloved or even frustrated. Hello the only likely reason you are feeling that way is because the guy in question is not in love with you. simple truth ,but it very difficult for even the most sophisticated of ladies to accept it especially when they are desperate or ready to settle down with a particular guy they fancy ,either because he’s good-looking rich or combines both qualities.

        Its funny how ladies generally, high and low profile, fall over each other for a guy all because he’s single. they spend their hard end money setting up his apartment, wash his clothes cook his meal give him sex in serial order just to win his heart .it’s a serious competition among ladies .you can imagine a situation were a lady knows that the he’s hanging out with and hoping to hoping to end up in marriage with is seeing other ladies apart from her and yet she’s willing to compete for his love. She’s comfortable competing for his love because his single and she believes if she’s unrelenting the guy could eventually become hers.

     These ladies have turn some men to demigods; no wonder a man in his late 30’s and early 40’s who should be desirous of a wife would expect the ladies he wooed to compete for his love among themselves while he contributes nothing himself emotionally, materially and otherwise except to sleep with them and make promises he knows his not capable of fulfilling, it is almost out of fashion for a guy to marry two wives ,in other word after this ladies must have competed for his love, he’s only capable of marrying one of them or  total stranger in some cases, so what happens to rest of them? They end up even feeling more frustrated.

  When it comes to men, you don’t need to kill yourself over him because if he doesn’t love you he wouldn’t notice your attitude, good bad. When a guy is interested in you, when a guy is interested in you that is when he realizes what stuff you are made up of .if you are a truly a wife material, he notice it immediately and starts to nurture your relationship. If your attitude is bad he notices it too and tries to work on you while he tries to work it out with you because he loves you.

     Guys go on flings. That a guy makes a pass at you doesn’t mean he’s ready for a serious relationship. So when you give a guy a chance, you should sometime to evaluate his real intention towards you. The problem with most ladies is that we are too in a hurry to get it over and done with if you are willing to pay the price for the prize, no player of a man would find it easy with you. What is he price you may want to know? The price is ‘time’ .time has a way of revealing a person’s motives. Whether ulterior or genuine. But too many times, but to may times girls rush into a relationship sex follows (which is capable of deluding our judgment) immediately. Along the line when the, when the guy’s ulterior motives, begins to unveil themselves, we are too emotionally involved to handle a strain. So we begin from the word go to put up with excesses hoping we will by our good attitude win his love. For fear of starting another relationship,

      A friend of mine has been in a relationship with a guy for six months now. It was love at first sight, she couldn’t hide her affection for the guy and this perhaps made the guy made a go at her with she automatically grabbed with both hands. I happen to be one of her confidants and I have observed from the time she stated dating this guy till now her dilemma has been is non-committal attitude. the guy has other girlfriends which she is aware of it but she believes she will eventually win his love because of her over flowing affection for him which she has been showing to him by buying him clothes, setting up his apartment and even given him money when he is broke.

        For six months now the relationship has been on because my friend will not let it die a natural death. Even though she doesn’t ever admit, but I know that if she had delayed sex and not immediately given her body, she would have been able to tell her real motive for asking her out. she has confessed to me many times that the only time she feels loved is when they are together and most likely having sex but the moment she leaves him, all she does is complain because he wouldn’t call and even when she call’s him he wouldn’t pick her call most of the times. Recently she got tired and decided not to call or send him text messages; he didn’t call her for close to two weeks she gave him a break. A few days ago she was forced to check up on him at his office, and behold she saw him given the key of his apartment to another lady that had come to see him. I couldn’t but be firm with her on why she should move on with her life. Again all my advice fell on deaf ears, she tried to convince me that he would eventually fall in love with her. And that she’s not afraid of competition. It’s a pity; competing for love a man’s love has now become fashionable.

     I know a lot of ladies will disagree with me; they might say there is nothing wrong in wining a guy’s love, fine! But I don’t think it’s a crime to be showered with love and be treated with respect as a woman the choice is yours anyway.

      Who should compete for the other person’s love more, is it a man or a woman? Is their any sense in dating any guy who has other girlfriends only for you to try and win his love? At least so that my friend and the likes can know.    

F

How to have a successful marital bliss as a Christian

INSTRUCTIONS

1. The immediate family with their relatives;

  Your families outside of the immediate family aren’t supposed to be decision makers in the family. Keep them on the outer court of the marriage; whether it is your mum, dad, aunties, cousins etc. remember marriage should be strictly guided with the directions that God has given to you .give your non-immediate family limitations on what they can and cannot do, and say .you should love your outside family love just the way God loves them. If you’re outside family need assistance need in anyway, make sure you and your spouse come to agreement before helping. You do want the marriage to succeed when making Godly decision, which are right.

2. Your friends are to be chosen wisely;

    As a married couple in Christ choose friends that are married and are also I Christ Jesus. If you have friends that are married but aren’t in Christ Jesus, you should be spend very little time around them it keeps from been driven away from god’s work and his way of doing things. Limit your marriage to bringing in lots of single Christian friends. Single Christian think and do things totally different from totally married Christians.

3. Your goals and your works should be of the lord;

  You have your goal to hold your marriage together. Work at and do things that will express the love you have for one other, it sustains your marriage like right before you get intimate with one another. 

4. Plan a romantic travel trip

  Add in that extra touch of romance in you marriage by getting away from kids. Every now and then planning a romantic traveling trip helps and allows you to spend quality time with one another. the travel trip should be based on you finances purchasing unexpected gift for one another helps when your spouse is least expected, order a limo and make a special engagement date out at the finest restaurant take the time of your schedule to plan a candle light diner at home, with a bottle of wine of your choice in drink in moderation. Keep in mind the kids should not be present. Upgrade you wedding rings and renew you vows upon certain anniversaries. Remember to always work on doing things together. Setting aside the time you will have spent with child/children, if you have any.

5. Bless your marriage

  Sanctity it, put that extra touch of anointing upon it. Work on building you characters based on love trust, honesty happiness, peace, encouragement, and most of all fearing God. These things keep the marriage bond in a great assurance, of knowing that GOD is in charge. Remember to always pray and study your bible, in order to bring about great success in your marriage. It will guide you through any situation you could be thinking, is difficult for you to conquer. Life has many challenges that are worked out through putting God first! Make it you life to keep God first!

HOW TO TELL A GOOD FRIEND

QUALITIES OF A GOOD FRIEND

Haven’t we heard the famous saying a friend in need is a friend indeed? A friendship is an integral part of human existence.though true friend can take time to buikd and develop.

12. Characteristics of a good friend

1. Accepts you as you are:

A good friend is someone who does not try to be somebody that he is not and accepts you as you are. They are also patient with you when you make mistakes and forgive you when you hurt them.

2. Dependable;

a good friend is dependable and can trust with your secrets  and know that he would not let a third party no about it he sticks with you in good times and bad times ,when you ask for advice he points out, a good friend points out the right direction.

3. Honest;

A good friend will be honest and loyal with you. He does not break the promises that he made to you. He makes you feel safe and secure with him. He is your true critic you will find many who falsely appreciate you and your works to remain in good books. A good friend will tell you the truth even if its something you won’t want to hear. He will point out your mistakes in private and not in front of others and also help to overcome it.

4. Listen to you;

A good friend will always listen to you and care about your emotional needs and emotions a good friend will be there always when you need to talk. When you have news to share or grievances he gives you full attention.

5. Be there for you:

A good friend will be there with you through thick and thin. Good friends don’t call up only to request a favor. But he would be the first person to call up people to come to your aid in time of crises. He also does not allow you to indulge in any illicit activities.

6. Give you space;

A good friend respects your privacy. He understands that you have your family, other family and friends who are part of your life too and do not cling to you always. He builds and trust and confidence which makes you comfortable enough to make you share your good times and bad times with him.

7. Always in touch;

Good friends don’t always wait for you to call. He always makes an effort to keep in touch with you even if it’s true a quick phone call or in email .he knows what’s going on in your life and is interested about it. A good friend does not avoid you even if they are busy and do not ignore your phone call or mails. A good friend makes it clear that they care about you.

8. Do not bad mouth you;

A good friend does not bad mouth you or talks behind you back. A good friend is a friend you can trust and won’t gossip about you or try to spoil your reputation. They would let you know when they are concerned and do their best to stick up for you when you are in trouble. A good friend will apologize to you when you do something wrong. He does not keep grudges.

9. happy for you;

A good friend will never get jealous on your success but will be happy for you. He celebrates you success but would be happy for you. He celebrates your success and his success with you. When you are down and needs support he would be there to support and care about you. An ideal friend has a sensitive side which would make them understands people’s feeling’s. They may not be able to read your mind, but chances are they can usually tell when you’re happy, sad, excited, shocked or upset. a good friend will always know how to lifts your spirit and make your day.

10. supportive;

A good friend is supportive of you and your goals. He will know what makes you tick and help you be the person you want to be. They wont try to change who you are in a situation where you need to be defended he would be right there beside you.

11. Common interest;

A good friend is someone whom you have something in common. He is fun to be with. And he understands you and respects you.

12. Giving;

Good friends are more than what is asked. When they see a need they respond before the other person has the chance to ask without expecting anything in return and without anyone knowing about it. Good friends are generous with time, money possessions and knowledge. Best of all they have a generous spirit.

 There is a saying that what you give is what you get back. The qualities you want in a friend. Should be the same that you are offering to someone else can you expect to have good friends if you aren’t one yourself?

VOW BREAKER, BEWARE!

Pastor Williams was a very devoted in the ministry who served God with a passion he also loved and feared God and was careful to involve God In whatever he did. he took  decisions only when they were approved of God but it happened he made a terrible mistake.

  Pastor Williams was engaged to a young lady, Florence. He was convinced beyond all reasonable doubt that she was of God and he premised to marry her. His family rose against this decision of his, saying that his older siblings and relations had married from hometown and their wont not be an exception for him.

  He later attended a church programme somewhere and saw this sister that seemed engulfed in the anointing and passion of God. He married her shortly because she also hailed from his hometown.

  Two years afterward, the sister turned a tigress at home. She opposed everything pastor Williams set his mind to do. She also prevented him from attending church programmes and turned him to a babysitter .pastor Williams has become so miserable and regrets accepting the decision of his family and throwing the agreement, he had with his sister Florence, to the winds. He remains happy and unfulfilled and needs even your prayers for intervention.

  A vow is a formal and serious promise, especially religious one. it is not supposed to be treated with laxity. It is a sacred promise tht should be kept or fulfilled.

  During the days of old, vows were placed so highly and people were careful at making a promise because it was binding on them.

  A couple take before God on their wedding day and at the first signs of trial, they back off. Hey! You are bound by it.

  You promise to testify of God’s goodness of give him a thanksgiving offering once you are granted a job and you don’t fulfill it. You are still bound by that vow!

  You take an oath of chastity to become a nun or reverend father, yet you chase everything in skirt or trouser .you are digging up your own grave because you are still bound by that vow!

  Little wonder, we suffer some set backs and encounter problems at some points in our lives. This is due to the fact that we lack faithfulness. It is better not to make a promise than make one and fail to fulfill it.

CAN YOU AND YOUR EX BECOME BEST FRIENDS?

Handling your relationship with someone you broke up can be quite tricky, sometimes you may feel uncomfortable and completely out of place just been around them, and sometimes you long to see them, but tell your self it’s in your best interest not to.

  Whatever said and done, it is true that the two of you certainly had a lot of things in common and shared a good understanding and rapport, which took you as far as you went in your relationship. You know a lot about each other, your likes and dislikes, your needs and wants, your moods and goals. And all of that puts you in a very good position to be each other’s best friend.

  If the two of you were friends before you started going out, or have a common friend circle, or study in the same place, generally have the reasons to find yourselves running into each other quite often, then it is just good sense to learn ho to be cordial with each other, at the very least. Sure you must be mad at each other immediately after your break up, but you can’t stay mad forever. It’s just not good for your mental and emotional health.

  You may have broken up because one of you wanted to get married and the other didn’t .or that one of you was not quite ready for a more serous relationship. One of you wanted to have children and the other didn’t. Your jobs were in different cities and one of you was willing to give up their job and move. These are all perfectly valid reasons to break up a romantic relationship, but these are not things that matter when two people are just friends. In a friendship, what matters is that you are willing to listen when the other wants to talk, offer you advice when they need you to, and are there for them when you are needed. You can still do all these things, even if you don’t want the same things in life in the long run.

  Once you are past the awkward phase that comes after a break up, it may be a good idea to strike up a friendship, or rekindle a friendship that existed before you started going out. as long as both of you are clear on the reasons why you broke up in the first place, and know that you don’t want to get back together and hurt yourselves again, it may just be a really good idea to turn the bitter romance into a sweet friendship.   

CAN YOU AND YOUR EX BECOME BEST FRIENDS?

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WHAT IS IT WITH GIRLS AND BAD BOYS?

Have you ever wondered why girls are always attracted to ‘bad boys or play boys’ in quote? I have had to ask myself such questions most times, trust me am a girl and I know how alluring it can be to mingle with a bad boys. Yet why we do it we never know. we pay deaf ears to warnings about him, in facet even insinuate our girlfriends are jealous of us only for us to come back with regrets heart aches, deep seethed anger and a bag full of regrets.

  There’s something alluring about playing with fire, even though you know it might burn you, yet you can’t resist the pull. I guess that’s the best explanation for it. Otherwise why would any sane babe, know that a guy is a heart breaker, chronic womanizer and still lust after him? Why would any sane babe go back to the same guy who turned her to a punching bag and treats her like trash?

  Irene and Isabel have been best of friends as long as they could remember. They both went to the same high school and same university. Irene met Todd in the university during her final year; he was rich, handsome and wayward. He loved her, but he couldn’t resist flirting with any babe and if Irene dares confronts him he would assault her and sometimes even hit her. Irene didn’t know what to do to make Todd change, but because she loved him she stayed with him. Isabel was her only confidant and she told Irene to dump Todd, but she didn’t have the nerve to do it.

  One day after terrible fight, Irene walked out of the relationship, though it was painful for her, she swore never to go back to Todd. Of course Isabel supported her decision all the way. Irene eventually met mark a cool guy who worked as a pastor’s assistant in the church. He was calm loving and caring. Irene was content to date him, especially as he was proposing marriage to her. As she was praying about it Todd came back to the picture. he told her how much he loved her how much he missed her, he also promised to behave himself, when Todd wants something he gets it, so he went all out for Irene and against her better judgment; she began to fall him all over again .

  In her mind she still had doubts about Todd’s sudden change and when she voiced it out.

‘Look baby, I told you I have changed. You can put me through a test and be sure that I will not fail; He said to her she nodded and smiled, watching him walk away as she remembered their good their days were together were. That night she tried to seduce Todd but he refused.

‘Irene as much as I love you, I think we should wait for our wedding night and we will enjoy it for the rest of our life’s together’. He insisted.

  Four days later Irene decided to pay Todd a visit, she got there and entered with her spare key. She entered the room and met Isabel lying down on the bed in her under wear, while Todd walked out of the bathroom, clad in towel.

  ‘What is going on here Isabel?’ she asked her dear friend

  ‘Irene I can explain’. Todd tried to talk as Irene ran out if the house. Of course she never went back to Todd’s house, and that was the end of friendship with Isabel, right now Irene is feeling so betrayed, it was obvious all the while she and Todd were dating; he was also dating her best friend and closest confidant. The question is what did Isabel find so irresistible in Todd to make her date him behind her friend’s back? What’s was so irresistible about Todd that made Irene to go looking for him, in spite of her wedding day was obviously close by?

THE PSYCHO-SOCIAL IMPACT OF EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIRS

The circumstances that drive men to infidelity are different from than those that make women unfaithful. Some of the shared emotions by both sexes are: significant damage to the spouse’s self-image, personal confidence, feelings of abandonment, attacks on their sense of belonging, betrayal of trust and rage.

  Sharing sexual activity and emotional feelings with someone other than your spouse ultimately reduces sexual desire and activity within the primary relationship, as attention and resources are directed away from the partner. Even when this is accepted on a moral level, it is quite painful on the psychological level. Most married couple will feel intense jealousy if they suspect their lovers might be having additional relationships outside their marriage.

  Denial of spousal love makes people feel worthless and rejected and these feelings commonly turn them defenseless and open to infidelity. Although marital unhappiness makes people susceptible to infidelity, this is not always the case, considering the case of many African men who view infidelity as a sport.

  Men tend to draw a strong demarcating line between love and sex. Though they love their wives, though they love their wives, they engage in illicit relationships to spice up spice up their lives and simply because they can. basically it’s the it is the cultural and societal upbringing that determines whether adultery is perceived to be wrong or accepted .it is interesting to note that the practice can be a norm in one society and a taboo in another

  Men are known to stray more than women in patriarchal households and this is passed down to generations.

  After the discovery of an extra-marital affair, your life goes crazy .if you found out about infidelity, you feel like everything you had believed is now false. The person you thought you could count on has betrayed your trust. You are enraged at your spouse and yet disturb by self accusations about what you did wrong (even if it was unjustified) worse case scenario if it’s some you know. You have to save face and behave as if you are not affected, while you might be consumed with fear of losing your home to someone else-an unnatural –an unnatural and impossible position to be in. the fact that in our society when these things happen, particularly with the woman you are expected to just shrug it off, is one of the key recipes to poor health. Those excruciating emotions cannot be willed away: they may be denied suppressed, but they remain a potential for ill health.

  People don’t function well with a lot of anxiety, fear shame and guilt. They get sick too much, and may become mentally depressed or physically unwell even though they may not attribute their condition to their activities. People can actually become insane from excessive negative emotional experiences. To prevent these problems Mother Nature has provided us ‘with unconscious defense mechanism’ these mental behaviors neutralize the negative effects of certain amounts of fear, anxiety, shame, guilt and other emotions. Extra-marital produces a long-term dissolution self esteem and potential in one’s loved one.